Fucking happy valentine

Esta en inglès, pero asi es mejor....

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

a glimmer of hope in the rain
it will get better. let it be. it will get better. hold on. just hold on. let it be.it will all get better. hold on.
posted by Joe at 22:21 0 comments
Monday, March 06, 2006

Everything Is You
"Eternal Flame" came on the radio
And I remember how you loved it so
Memories sneak up on me,wherever I go
A car like you used to drive
Pulled beside me today at the light
Chances to break down and cry wherever I go
And you want me to be strong, any less just shows I’m weak
How’d you turn so cold, where’s the girl I used to know?
And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you’d be going
I’m just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you
An inside joke comes to mind
We’d wear them out all the time
Memories sneak up on me wherever I go
And it seems you’ve disappeared, though you're not that far away
Please tell me it's not true, I didn’t mean that much to you
And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you’d be going
I’m just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you
- Eli Young Band
posted by Joe at 22:43 0 comments
Sunday, March 05, 2006

things not to do #92
call erica when i'm drunk and crying.
posted by Joe at 14:13 1 comments
Tuesday, February 28, 2006

i (normally) believe that honesty is the best policy. if being honest makes me look like a god, then fantastic. if it makes me look like a weak person, oh well. with that being said...today has been, for the most part, a sucky bi-polar kind of day. i tried to be happy, i really did. i barely slept at all last night, i just tossed and turned. i got news just before bed that was kind of expected but still hurt more than words could possibly say. oh well, truth hurts, right? (it really does...haha) anyway...today was the kind of day where one minute i cracked a joke and made people laugh, then i would turn around and just cry. not a full-on "why, god why?!?" cry, but just the soft kind, with tears falling down a little bit and maybe with a little bit (ok, a lot) of pain. it would happen at the most random times, throughout the entire day and is still continuing tonite. i'm more than willing to bet it will happen tomorrow and possibly for a few more days after that.it's ok. i'll be ok.if anyone reads this and thinks less of me, well, sorry. i'm not personally sorry, just sorry that you judge me based on the amount and depth of emotions i contain. i don't care if i wear my heart on my sleeve. ok, now i'm just getting angry (eek! another emotion i've been feeling on and off today) so i think i will stop here.
posted by Joe at 22:25 0 comments
Sunday, February 26, 2006

yeah here it is, my lame new blog, showcasing my "talents" aka horrible stories and poems i've written...if anyone gives a damn.
take me baby or leave me
posted by Joe at 08:44 0 comments
Sunday, February 19, 2006

Kinda depressed today. Not really sure why either. I've had a good weekend, I suppose.Friday night I went to happy hour with my parents. I had about five drinks without eating dinner. Big mistake. I texted people left and right, made phone calls that I don't even remember making. I hope I didn't leave anyone a voicemail, especially if it was like the one I left for Erica. I kept hiccupping and saying, "I'm so drunk and I'm with my parents" and shit like "why does [...] hate me so much?" First off, who asks questions like that when leaving someone a voicemail? Idiots do. I listened to the voicemail last night when Erica came over. I was completely embarrassed for myself. I wish I could've saved it somehow though because it was fucking hysterical. I ended up getting so tired that I left my parents at the bar and fell asleep in the back of my dad's jeep, apparently for like an hour. Apparently I talked to people outside too but I don't remember that. The car ride home wasn't the most pleasant, so I threw up a few times outside of my house. Lame. So lame. To be even lamer (if that's even possible...) I came inside and harrassed people online, thinking I was being funny, but I just sounded like an asshole.Saturday afternoon I did absolutely nothing and just lounged around the house. Sue and Erica came over around 6pm and we went to dinner at Friendly's. I despise that place, I think. We all used to go there so often. It's so expensive and the food isn't even that great. I got a little melancholic because I remembered that the last time I had been to Friendly's was after my aunt and uncle's memorial day party with Erica, Sue and Johnny. I think we even sat at the same booth. Blah.So afterwards, we went back to my house and started drinking and had fun. Then we went downtown. It was ok. Not the best time, certainly not the worst. I can't really think of any highlights. That's a shame. I definitely wasn't as drunk as I was on Friday. That was just terrible and embarrassing.Today I'm just...blah. I'm kind of hating myself. For the stupid decisions I make. For not being where I want to be in life, but not doing much to change it right now. For caring when I shouldn't. For everything basically.there's a hole at the bottom of this cup, i wanna fix it so i can fill it up. and there is sand where the flowers used to be, i was happy then and you were here with me. i'm feeling kind of fragile lately. i know only i can save me now. i'm not hoping, there's no use praying. i know only i can save me now. feeling kind of fragile.
posted by Joe at 15:06 0 comments
Tuesday, February 14, 2006

happy fucking valentine's day
LoveI've never realized how bad love is until it's gone. Then you see that it's everywhere, in everyone, whether they realize it or not. And for those that don't realize it, I envy them. Everyone wants to be in love. It's the elusive shadow we think we see on a dark night. It's the frightening sound you hear when alone. It's the beating of your heart. You can feel it in your pulse. Never-ending.But when love is gone, then you truly realize how awful it is. Yet all of us pray for its swift return. Sitting here, in love with no one, not even myself, I am repulsed by love. I know that it will return to me again soon, but in its absence, I am a better person. I see the shell of my former best friend. She is no longer one person. She is no longer a “she” or a “her”. She’s a “they” or “them”. One half of a hopeless couple in love.I hope she realizes that love will one day leave her and who will be there? Will it be him, the lover who wants nothing to do with her any longer? Will it be me, the friend she so frequently forgot and set aside in the presence of her lover? That's the funny thing about love. We fuck everyone else over when we ourselves are being fucked by love. Suddenly old friends fade into the background and a new love is thrust into the spotlight. Put on a pedestal. Worshipped for where they tread. No one in love remembers that lovers come and go, but friends are forever.Those in love cease to be singular. They've no life without their lover. They force their lover upon their friends, not realizing what this does. Especially to the lonely. Do we want to sit by and watch our friend and their lover be in love? No. It's a slap in the face. A knife in the back. A “fuck you” to your face. They may not realize this, but it’s true. Keep to yourselves. You obviously have your life together and I want no part of it. A third wheel is completely unnecessary.To those in love, I say: enjoy it while it lasts. Act stupid, act foolish and rash and immature, but know that I want no part of it. Be selfish, have fun. Spend every night together and wake up side by side. Be happy, realize what you have while you’ve got it and treasure that, but in the meantimeJust shut up about love.